i feel like going further into it. Doing new things with people this weekend and it just makes me want to cancel and stay home and hide under my blanket. i'm scared to trust, i'm scared to try. i just want to run to the people i trust. Where i'm comfortable. Just stay there. Never leave.
What have i learned about myself being alone? i'm a creature of habit. i don't like creating new relationships with people i am uncertain of, people who could become a threat and i am scared. i'm uncomfortable. i don't know who to be. Don't say be myself because i don't know who that is. All i know is who i am with the man that owns me. Master. That is who i am most comfortable and happy with as me.
When i am unaware of the unknown i need my shell. When i shut down i need my shell. i like my routine that Master gives me. Something that i am comfortable with. It's something that gives me comfort. So Friday comes around and Saturday and Sunday.....and well i hate the weekend............
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