..be done with trying to find a temporary relationship and just be with Master. Just be in this LDR and not date and not worry about finding someone. If Master wants me to go out or date or whatever i will from now on wait for Him to tell me. i'm done. i had a nice vanilla date, but weird.
Being around this man that i've gone out with twice has been interesting. He is an interesting person for sure. Personally i think that his words are making up for some sort of insecurity he walks around with. He does a lot of bragging and a lot of trying to convince himself of a person who he thinks he is. He actually may have a lot of money, which is fantastic for him, but i think he uses it against people. Or maybe he just uses it to get people to like him? i don't know. Either way, i'm out, done, finished, cannot be bothered anymore. This man is so feminine and then stated to be a Dom i almost laughed in front of him. Please know in now way am i saying that he can't be a Dom, but he just cannot be that only! Perhaps a switch or just pretending to be a Dom. He stated he didn't like to label himself. Hmmmmmm. He told me that i am 100% sub. Well, gee thanks ;)! i was unaware........................NOT.
To be honest the whole thing scares me anyway. This going out bit. Like i said before, i'm safe where i am now. i like it here.
my bff brought something to my attention today. She thinks i might be demisexual, to a degree. i have to be honest. i agree. Although i am not asexual, parts of a demisexual are 100% me. Thanks bff for helping me to find myself more. To understand more. oxoxo.
http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual
i've joined the Fet group and see where it goes there, and maybe get some support and perhaps understand or try and change in case i need to for the future. Honestly, no wonder i'm having a hard time just having sex with someone other than Master. Makes total sense now. Emotionally i am so connected to Him, it's literally impossible for me to have sex with someone else. i totally get that now. No wonder i walk around with such guilt and with such depression and stress. It just shows me how much i am, again, so very committed to Him. He truly, really, 100% does have every single bit of me. And i wouldn't change a thing for anything in the world!
Thank God tomorrow is Monday! i need our normal back.
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