After realizing and reading about what a demisexual is, i am feeling very settled with who i am. It's me and it makes tons of sense. Its an enlightenment really and explains tons. I am totally NOT asexual though. That's the part i can't settle with.......
i am also settled with the fact that i will no longer be "dating". i can't now. It doesn't sit right with me and the demisexual part again makes me see that. Again, like i said prior, i am committed to Him and there is nothing else that makes me happier. It's just where i belong. There may be need for a filler here and there, but i believe Master will take care of that as the time comes.
i also realized something else that settled me today.
my Dom friend and i went hiking today, (Master approved of course). Fantastic time - btw. While hiking i came across something amazing. Something that i haven't seen in years. Since i was a child. It brought back so many memories.
Every Christmas season, my family and i would gather at my aunt and uncles estate and go hiking to gather this greenery called Princess Pine. It was a ton of us and we would go in the woods and pick so much of it. We'd use it to decorate our houses. It was a great time. Great laughs, great food, great company.
Normally remembering something so happy would immediately bring me down because i'd remember the happy past and the not so happy now. But my end result of the memory was better than what i normally thought. Instead of being depressed about the past and where i am now, i thought how lucky i was to have that memory. Quite a huge change for me. A huge change in how i would normally think.
i believe knowing that where i belong and that i am happy where i am with Master makes all the difference. i'm no longer struggling with being alone. i'm good with it and where i am. i'm okay today. i'm settled.
Today was a good day........................
BTW, just in case you do come across some Princess Pine.....it's endangered. Don't pick it.
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