i think it's been about 2 weeks since i came. i was supposed to cum 3 times last weekend, but couldn't. i am back to needing Master to do that. i cannot cum unless He is around.
As always He brings me to an amazing place. Granted i beg like no ones business but He never gives in to it. He only allows me to cum when He is ready.
He knows when i need it too.
i've been starting to feel real down again. i needed something physical that only He can give me.
What am i grateful for this week? Him.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Sunday, November 22, 2015
11.22.15 Another slow day
To be honest, i haven't had a weekend off in, well, i can't remember when.
Other than to do some fundraising i did absolutely nothing today. Zip. Kinda like yesterday.
A bunch of people that give me stress texted me this morning, but i will talk to Master about that tomorrow. Nothing to worry about though. He just needs to be aware.
Oh, and the most hysterical message i got on Fet the other day. What a laugh i had with my BFF. What a riot. i just wish she was feeling better to enjoy in my laughter. i'm really worried about her and i'm not sure how to help her. i'm feeling completely hopeless. i mean i know there is nothing i can do from here, but still.....................there must be something.
Also, this week is Thanksgiving. i am spending it completely alone. To be honest, part of me is looking forward to it and another part of me wants to wallow in self pity. Perhaps i will do both. Maybe the day will be nice and i can take the neighbors dog for a walk, spend some time in a bubble bath and have some cocktails (approved of course).
Looking forward to tomorrow. i love me a Monday!
Other than to do some fundraising i did absolutely nothing today. Zip. Kinda like yesterday.
A bunch of people that give me stress texted me this morning, but i will talk to Master about that tomorrow. Nothing to worry about though. He just needs to be aware.
Oh, and the most hysterical message i got on Fet the other day. What a laugh i had with my BFF. What a riot. i just wish she was feeling better to enjoy in my laughter. i'm really worried about her and i'm not sure how to help her. i'm feeling completely hopeless. i mean i know there is nothing i can do from here, but still.....................there must be something.
Also, this week is Thanksgiving. i am spending it completely alone. To be honest, part of me is looking forward to it and another part of me wants to wallow in self pity. Perhaps i will do both. Maybe the day will be nice and i can take the neighbors dog for a walk, spend some time in a bubble bath and have some cocktails (approved of course).
Looking forward to tomorrow. i love me a Monday!
11.21.15 i got zip
Literally.
i don't have really anything to say about this day. Was feeling a bit lonely, but it all worked out in the end. Looking forward to Monday, as always.
Just a typical Saturday.
i don't have really anything to say about this day. Was feeling a bit lonely, but it all worked out in the end. Looking forward to Monday, as always.
Just a typical Saturday.
Friday, November 20, 2015
11.20.15 Had a date, but....
....it was with a woman.
Didn't make me any less nervous though. Well maybe a little.
It went very well. She is pretty and has a really great personality. i can just tell she is a good person and i am looking forward to getting to know her more. She seems like a lot of fun!!!! i'm looking forward to seeing her again.
We have a lot in common (even the same work schedule) and she gets lonely too, so it will be nice to be able to call someone up and perhaps get together on a whim. She actually has been to munches and asked me to go. i have to be honest and say that i'm a little apprehensive. i'm not sure i want to. Master said He and i will discuss it and see. He may force me to go to one and then if i don't like it just end it there. She had a lot of questions about my LDR and i really enjoyed being able to share it with her. i didn't have to hide who i am. i really like that. It pleases me to know that people know that i am owned.
Other then the date, i am being punished for several things this weekend that i did last weekend and last night. The punishment is not bad at all because of the great week i had. When Master says to me he is proud of me, He really is, because i don't hear it often, and i heard it twice this week!!!!!
And yes its Friday and we all know how i feel about a Friday....
Didn't make me any less nervous though. Well maybe a little.
It went very well. She is pretty and has a really great personality. i can just tell she is a good person and i am looking forward to getting to know her more. She seems like a lot of fun!!!! i'm looking forward to seeing her again.
We have a lot in common (even the same work schedule) and she gets lonely too, so it will be nice to be able to call someone up and perhaps get together on a whim. She actually has been to munches and asked me to go. i have to be honest and say that i'm a little apprehensive. i'm not sure i want to. Master said He and i will discuss it and see. He may force me to go to one and then if i don't like it just end it there. She had a lot of questions about my LDR and i really enjoyed being able to share it with her. i didn't have to hide who i am. i really like that. It pleases me to know that people know that i am owned.
Other then the date, i am being punished for several things this weekend that i did last weekend and last night. The punishment is not bad at all because of the great week i had. When Master says to me he is proud of me, He really is, because i don't hear it often, and i heard it twice this week!!!!!
And yes its Friday and we all know how i feel about a Friday....
Thursday, November 19, 2015
11.19.15 Stuck up for myself.....Dam
i still hadn't told this guy i went out with the other night that i didn't want to see him again. i knew it was coming sometime this week. i've just been waiting and have been anxious waiting for his text message. It finally came today.
Here's what happened. He text me saying he was disappointed that i "flaked" on him and i immediately (without confronting Master) replied to him that i was not interested in him and wished him well.
SHOCK. HOLY CRAP DID i JUST DO THAT?
i simply do not understand where this random act of courage came from. Amazing. i never do anything like this. i just ignore any issue because i don't like the confrontation or disappointment in others. Then i wait until Master forces me to do something or He has to get involved. But the very second i sent the message i felt completely free and relieved. i told Master what i did and He told me He was very proud of me. He said i deserved a reward! Can you imagine????? That's only happened one other time. i'm very happy today!
Master told me that He wants me to be more like this, what i did today. Perhaps its because He cannot be around me all of the time and needs to be sure i can handle things on my own when He isn't? i have to be honest, i like His protection best. Not mine. But i will see what i can do in the future knowing and remembering what i did today.
On top of that Master also told me that He was proud of me earlier this morning because He gave me an order and i performed it immediately. It was a very difficult order because it had to do with my ex. He knows how hard His order was for me and i did it without word or complaint.
Today, for sure, has been a good day.
i just want to end with, i think (as of this very moment) that whatever crosses my way i will have the strength to tell anyone (even another Dom) that i am owned, and nothing, not even them, can take me away from Him. i'm feeling very proud of my courage today.
Here's what happened. He text me saying he was disappointed that i "flaked" on him and i immediately (without confronting Master) replied to him that i was not interested in him and wished him well.
SHOCK. HOLY CRAP DID i JUST DO THAT?
i simply do not understand where this random act of courage came from. Amazing. i never do anything like this. i just ignore any issue because i don't like the confrontation or disappointment in others. Then i wait until Master forces me to do something or He has to get involved. But the very second i sent the message i felt completely free and relieved. i told Master what i did and He told me He was very proud of me. He said i deserved a reward! Can you imagine????? That's only happened one other time. i'm very happy today!
Master told me that He wants me to be more like this, what i did today. Perhaps its because He cannot be around me all of the time and needs to be sure i can handle things on my own when He isn't? i have to be honest, i like His protection best. Not mine. But i will see what i can do in the future knowing and remembering what i did today.
On top of that Master also told me that He was proud of me earlier this morning because He gave me an order and i performed it immediately. It was a very difficult order because it had to do with my ex. He knows how hard His order was for me and i did it without word or complaint.
Today, for sure, has been a good day.
i just want to end with, i think (as of this very moment) that whatever crosses my way i will have the strength to tell anyone (even another Dom) that i am owned, and nothing, not even them, can take me away from Him. i'm feeling very proud of my courage today.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
11.18.15 Boring day
Didn't discuss much with Master, not much going on today.
i was feeling kinda needy today though. Not like attention needy, just some other kind of needy. i think its because i'm so tired, i just want to get naked and lay next to Him. i can't wipe my tired away. i wonder why.
i'm still feeling happy and settled with where i am and who i am and all that........Perhaps Master needed me to get this "dating" thing out of my system and that's why He allowed it. i don't doubt that it will happen sometime again, but for different reasons.
.................i want to see Him again soon....................
i was feeling kinda needy today though. Not like attention needy, just some other kind of needy. i think its because i'm so tired, i just want to get naked and lay next to Him. i can't wipe my tired away. i wonder why.
i'm still feeling happy and settled with where i am and who i am and all that........Perhaps Master needed me to get this "dating" thing out of my system and that's why He allowed it. i don't doubt that it will happen sometime again, but for different reasons.
.................i want to see Him again soon....................
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
1.17.15 Demisexual
Still learning tons about it and finding others that are demisexual too. i hope perhaps i can friend someone in the group. It doesn't look like there is much posted of late. i'll keep at it and research. i like learning more about who i am. Funny i never knew there was such a thing.......
You know what i really like is that, not that He didn't understand it before or believe it, but it sorta proves that no one else can have me but Him. i enjoyed mentioning to Him how dedicated i am. It helped me prove to Him that He owns all of me. i love that. Someday's i can't stress enough how much He does own me, so to show Him that little tad bit of information made me happy.
You know what i really like is that, not that He didn't understand it before or believe it, but it sorta proves that no one else can have me but Him. i enjoyed mentioning to Him how dedicated i am. It helped me prove to Him that He owns all of me. i love that. Someday's i can't stress enough how much He does own me, so to show Him that little tad bit of information made me happy.
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